I remember when I was in college. I wasn’t super experienced sexually but I really, really liked this very charming blonde boy I had just started dating. And I liked to drink because it tasted good and was fun.
We had been out bar hopping, and then we ended up parked somewhere, making out. I had drunk too much and was not in good control of myself. I would get into the making out, then kind of “wake up” and decide this was really inappropriate for the short time I’d known him. I’d stop him, and then in a little while we’d be making out again. At some point, he just stopped altogether and said he was really confused by my yes-no-yes-no … did I want to have sex with him or not? Through my booze fog, I decided that I did not.
And you know what? He was a good guy about it. He didn’t get mad or yell or try to force me or even shame me. He said okay and took me home to my dorm, and he went back to his for the night. We took it a little slower, ended up with a happy sex life and continued dating throughout college, and we got married. The marriage only lasted about four years, but he was a decent man, despite our differences.
The morning after that make-out incident with him, I realized that I’d put myself in a really vulnerable position by having so much alcohol I was verging on being black-out drunk. It took me a while to clean up my act in that regard and to drink in moderation, if at all. But he didn’t take advantage of me.
Not every man or boy will sexually assault someone if given the chance.
Not every man is a Brett Kavanaugh. Or a Donald Trump.
I’m thankful they are not the norm, but I’m wondering where are the decent men who have higher standards for themselves and others. Why aren’t they speaking up and taking action? Why am I hearing mostly women’s voices (and not every woman, at that)?
In a broader sense than just discussing sexual misconduct, I’m fearful for my country, my fellow women, minorities, immigrants, the poor and the middle class under the current U.S. executive, judicial and legislative leadership. I’m yearning to hear from the DECENT Americans that as a whole we are good people who can show restraint, good judgment, tolerance, generosity and kindness. And not just words … I need to see votes, concrete action and active opposition to the assholization of America.
I’m hoping — fiercely — that I will feel renewed faith in my fellow Americans from the Nov. 6 election results. For the first time in my life, I’m voting a straight Democratic ticket instead of judging individual candidates on their merits, because to do anything else would be to endorse the dark path our country is on. We don’t need any more arrogant and greedy sociopaths in office, and we don’t need people who will compromise their values (assuming they have such). Nor do we need any more weak go-along-to-get-along politicians.
We need you to help make that happen. YOU need you to help make that happen.
#VoteBlue
And one relative responds with denigrating snark, while another essentially says, “Sure, you’re ethical, but most people in your field are not.” Now hold onto my head so it doesn’t actually explode. I am SO SICK of lazy-ass bigots using me and my colleagues as a scapegoat for their own discomfort at hearing that the president they elected is a dangerous and amoral loon.
ONE: I work for low wages in a high-stress, high-pressure, highly public field that is open to public scrutiny — IN PRINT — every single week. In past years, I’ve done it every single day when I worked for dailies. I’ve been in this field for most of my professional life, which started back in 1985; I have a few turns around the track on my resume. And most journalists have lifelong careers in the field or in related fields, because it’s not something you just wander into without really investing yourself in it.
