Photo credit: Carolyn Bahm, on the square in Collierville, TN

Gee … harsh, Mrs. Restaurant Owner. Harsh. :o)

Clearly, these potty stalls at work need labeling:

1st stall: Must flush 5 times. It is not Bacardi; it will not “get the job done.”

2nd stall: The super-flusher, aka, The Flushinator. If you so much as lean forward, it’ll auto-flush. Multiple times, like it’s saying, “Get out. Geeeeet ooooooout!”

3rd stall: Doesn’t matter; always in use.

4th stall: Will spray the back of your legs when it autoflushes. For God’s sake, don’t turn around.

5th stall: The handicapped stall. People of conscience tend to avoid hogging its lovely roominess, unless all other thrones are occupied and a bladder is about to burst. Also a calf-sprayer.

All stalls: Don’t make the mistake of leaning against any wall when pulling up pantyhose (shut up, some of us pale old gals still wear it). It’s only attached at the ceiling (the row of stalls, not the pantyhose — pay attention), and the whole row will wobble alarmingly. Don’t make a roomful of peeing women shriek.

Beloved youngest offspring failed to remember to glue her school project – a handmade figurine illustrating a book character – to a box last night as required. Hmm, glue won’t dry in 45 minutes, will it? Nope. So this morning, we dug out one of my hot glue guns and I set to work affixing a two-liter Coke body (complete with Styrofoam head) to a quickly decorated shoebox.

Apparently, I’m constitutionally unable to hot glue a project before school without burning the crap out of my fingers at least twice. Once, because I’m cutting corners to hurry (translation: careless), and the second time because – hello – I forgot about the whole “hot” thing.

Yeah, I’m alert.

She made the doll totally by herself, and it’s adorable down to the quirk of her lips and the flippy train created for the dress out of wired ribbon. We also added a pomander that her character carries around on her belt; our version is some of the sheer wired ribbon glued together to hold rosemary and oregano. That’s one pungent pomander.

I’ll insert an updated photo here later.* Here’s the pre-glue version: http://twitpic.com/nwaz. (Check out the uniboob this gal is sporting, along with the booby ink. Even styro grrlz got booby tats!)

*I’d insert the actual photo now if my attempts to connect to Twitpic & grab the photo from my last night’s Twittering didn’t totally alarm my office’s vigilant IT team, who set an automatic giant block on accessing any “storage” sites. Nooo, I’m not rolling my eyes … why would you think that? *blink*