Hold Up There, Cranky Crossing Guard

Open Letter to the Crabby Elementary School Crossing Guard One Block South of My House,

Yes, I see you in the intersection, waving your brightly gloved hands. I know that you’re not a demented mime and that you have a serious job to do. That’s why I slowed down from 30 mph to about 3. I wish you understood that the only reason I’m still creeping forward at all (to your annoyance) is that I’m fully HALF A BLOCK away from you and I’m afraid the car right behind me — you see it, the one who just honked and is practically tapping my bumper — is going to push me to you if I don’t move a little closer.

I have no intention of running over you or the children standing on the corner. So there’s no need to look at me like you’re wishing to God that I would roll down my window and sit still so you can give me the good Macing that I so richly deserve. I thought maybe you’d understand what was going on if I gestured about pulling up, but I got your best “talk to the hand” gesture.

I’ll see you again Monday when we both don’t have our snit on.

Hugs,

The unnerved driver who made you stomp your foot and wag your finger at 8:47 a.m.

Technorati Tags: open letter, school crossing guard