Review of Dan Dillard’s horror novel

Author Dan Dillard is one of the interesting, funny and smart authors I follow on Google+, and he recently mentioned he would provide a free copy of one of his novels in exchange for publishing an honest review. I took him up on that offer for his horror novel, “The Unauthorized Autobiography of Ethan Jacobs.” (Think about that title for a second … an unauthorized AUTO-biography? I could not resist.) Here’s what I published tonight on Amazon.com.

I liked this author’s voice, his use of dialog and the personality of his main characters, but the plotting was not complex enough to be riveting, and the ending left me unsatisfied. It’s like the book just stopped, without the story being fully told. Starting around Chapter 28, it felt as if I were reading the author’s rough summaries that had not yet been fully realized.

Rating:

[Disclaimer: I received a free Kindle copy of this book to review.]

This book is the story of a man who obsessively researches the paranormal, wishes he had personal experience with it, and then — to his regret — gets his wish.

The main character, Ethan, is likeable and funny: From now on, I will probably always smile when I see a beer six-pack, thinking about his imagining beer bottles being horrified at having their heads twisted off and their innards sucked dry by giants. He has a goofy dog with the silly name of Slobber. He braces himself to meet his pal Aaron’s new girlfriend and wonders how he’ll avoid awkwardness if she has any huge flaws, like a missing limb or eye; he imagines telling Aaron, “I think it’s awesome you’re in love with a Cyclops.” He actually tries out an old way to see a ghost — peeking between his dog’s ears, holding them “like the handlebars of a small furry motorcycle.” Ethan is believable as a guy who’s obsessed with the supernatural and plagued with both skepticism and hope.

The story’s build-up was also satisfying: Just about the time I started to get impatient with the banality of the main character’s life, the weird stuff started. The creepiness started with a low crackling before it became a roar. I got goose bumps reading what Aaron’s girlfriend went through as a kid in a haunted room. I was too creeped out even to read some of the rest when I was alone in the house, which is exactly as it should be for a horror novel (good job on that!).

The description of Old Hag Syndrome was spot on; I’ve experienced that particular sleep disorder myself: the heavy weight on the chest, visual and auditory disturbances, and the terror that something bad is nearby and focused on you. It’s scary, even though there are rational explanations. This was a good addition to this book’s building of tension.

The not-so-great aspects of the book were cumulative: The love interest, Emily, seemed like a woman drawn from a man’s imagination and not as realistic as she could be. The brief sexual scenes were not the least bit erotic, in my opinion. The character of Max — the wise, chummy and taciturn paranormal shop owner — was underused or unnecessary. Almost every spike in anger that various characters experienced seemed amplified and contrived; I didn’t buy the ramped-up emotions. The story also suffers a bit from showing instead of telling, such as when Ethan is “horrified” in a dream to watch his daughter walk toward a monster. (I felt as if I were being told to be scared, instead of BEING scared.) The book’s handling of time wasn’t the best; some parts were summarized when they could have been used to build/release tension and add depth to character development and plot. And the book’s beginning was weak.

Details are included from the characters’ lives that don’t further the plot: Ethan wishes Emily were wearing a pink thong instead of a blue one. He has water bottles lining his desk that he plans to recycle someday. We know what kind of pencil Ethan uses. We know the brand of furniture polish he smells. I did not gain a better understanding of the characters or the plot by knowing these things.

Most of the book is told from Ethan’s point of view, but it’s inconsistent. The voice doesn’t stay steady in one viewpoint per scene; for example, in one scene from Ethan’s POV, he calls Emily. The next paragraph mentions the boyish excitement in his voice, which sounds like an observation someone else would make. Next, the POV flips briefly to Emily so we know she turns off her cell phone and puts it in her purse. Then it’s back to Ethan’s POV. I’m open to writing experimentation when it works, but this feels unintentional and ineffective.

[SPOILER ALERT, THIS PARAGRAPH ONLY] Some factual elements bumped me out of the story: I wondered if a slap really could cause convulsions. Also, being picked up by the nape of the neck would surely cause greater injuries than the character suffered; how could talons hold him without piercing his carotid arteries or his spinal column or crushing his larynx? Furthermore, it wasn’t believable to me that the spirit immediately ratcheted up his malevolence toward Ethan but didn’t cause the spirit’s previous victim, Karen, to be more haggard and tortured.

I’m sensitive to grammar and style because of my own editing and writing experience, and this book was pretty good … but it does need a professional copyeditor. Examples of glitches that gave me twinges: Check ending quotation marks (to ensure they are they are actually there and also that they are facing the right way). Ensure all sentences have ending punctuation. One person should check his (not “their”) pocket. Review for punctuation consistency, such as whether there is spacing around ellipses. I’d also tell the author to search for the word “like” and review his similes; the writing has good points, but the similes are among the weakest elements. Also, there are too many -ly words; there’s no need to say someone gasped “desperately,” as gasping alone is sufficient to convey desperation.

Some descriptions were melodramatic: “Ethan felt as if his brain had spilled onto the ground and were replaced with black, mold-ridden clumps of insanity.” I detected the author’s hand on the keyboard, trying to shock me. And language in general was overly vivid at times: In one sentence, there is shoving and scampering and tackling. In other places, morning swoops in, Ethan clobbers his knee, and reality claws itself from the depths of his brain. When vivid words are overused to this extent, the true peak points of the story get obscured and the overall effect verges on purple prose.

Short version of this review: I would definitely give this author another chance by trying a future book because I really like his style, but this novel is not as good as it could be.